卡瓦菲斯:《城市》

从诗歌的文字来讲,我喜欢snoopy朗诵的版本

粗略GOOGLE的结果,有人说是西川的翻译,不知道西川是否翻译自英文,原文如果是希腊语,那我完全不懂,噢,天哪,人家说那是世界上最难的语言,赶明儿我问问那个希腊邻居是不是这样。现从英文的角度,稍微探讨一下。

snoopy 版本的第三行,我的每一项努力都是对命运的谴责,从留言中的英文版本看,不太符合英文的意思。以我的理解,whatever I try to do is fated to turn out wrong. 有命中注定面目全非的意思,这里所指,对命运的背离,是被动的,is fated,被命运制约与掌控。而谴责,则有主动的意味,有抗争的成分。从翻译的角度,不甚妥当。不过,从创作的角度看,则有另外的意境。西川是诗人,也 许想有不同的表达,也说不一定。

第二句,find another city better than this one.翻译成将被发现,有点过度阐释。第一句。。。

因 此我产生些怀疑,疑似西川不是翻译自 Edmund Keeley/Philip Sherrard的版本,用GOOGLE找。经过一番挫折,找到了共有四个英文译本。按时间排序分别如下。不喜欢这些的不用费事,可以直接Alt F4或者Ctrl+W,firefox, period.

零:希腊文原文。连字母都不认识,不过,人家是祖宗,供上。

Η Πόλις

Είπες· «Θα πάγω σ’ άλλη γη, θα πάγω σ’ άλλη θάλασσα.
Μια πόλις άλλη θα βρεθεί καλλίτερη από αυτή.
Κάθε προσπάθεια μου μια καταδίκη είναι γραφτή·
κ’ είν’ η καρδιά μου — σαν νεκρός — θαμένη.
Ο νους μου ως πότε μες στον μαρασμόν αυτόν θα μένει.
Όπου το μάτι μου γυρίσω, όπου κι αν δω
ερείπια μαύρα της ζωής μου βλέπω εδώ,
που τόσα χρόνια πέρασα και ρήμαξα και χάλασα.»

Καινούριους τόπους δεν θα βρεις, δεν θάβρεις άλλες θάλασσες.
Η πόλις θα σε ακολουθεί. Στους δρόμους θα γυρνάς
τους ίδιους. Και στες γειτονιές τες ίδιες θα γερνάς·
και μες στα ίδια σπίτια αυτά θ’ ασπρίζεις.
Πάντα στην πόλι αυτή θα φθάνεις. Για τα αλλού — μη ελπίζεις—
δεν έχει πλοίο για σε, δεν έχει οδό.
Έτσι που τη ζωή σου ρήμαξες εδώ
στην κώχη τούτη την μικρή, σ’ όλην την γη την χάλασες.

(Από τα Ποιήματα 1897-1933, Ίκαρος 1984)

一,Translated by George Valassopoulo
(The Nation & The Athenaeum 35/6, 5.4.1924)

You said: “I shall go to some other land, I shall go to some other sea.
Another city there must be, better than this.
My every effort here is a sentence of condemnation against me,
and my heart —like a corpse— lies buried.
How long shall my mind remain smothered in this blight?
Wherever I turn my eye, wherever I look,
I see the black ruins of my life
where I spent and spoiled and ruined so many years.”

Fresh lands you shall not find, you shall not find other seas.
The city shall ever follow you.
In streets you shall wander that are the same streets and
grow old in quarters that are the same
and among these very same houses you shall turn grey.
You shall always be returning to the city.   Hope not;
there is no ship to take you to other lands, there is no road.
You have so spoiled your life here in this tiny c

二,Translated by Edmund Keeley/Philip Sherrard
(C.P. Cavafy, Collected Poems. Translated by Edmund Keeley and Philip Sherrard. Edited by George Savidis. Revised Edition. Princeton University Press, 1992)

You said: “I’ll go to another country, go to another shore,
find another city better than this one.
Whatever I try to do is fated to turn out wrong
and my heart lies buried as though it were something dead.
How long can I let my mind moulder in this place?
Wherever I turn, wherever I happen to look,
I see the black ruins of my life, here,
where I’ve spent so many years, wasted them, destroyed them totally.”

You won’t find a new country, won’t find another shore.
This city will always pursue you. You will walk
the same streets, grow old in the same neighborhoods,
will turn gray in these same houses.
You will always end up in this city. Don’t hope for things elsewhere:
there is no ship for you, there is no road.
As you’ve wasted your life here, in this small corner,
you’ve destroyed it everywhere else in the world.

三,Translated by John Cavafy
(Poems by C. P. Cavafy. Translated, from the Greek, by J. C. Cavafy. Ikaros, 2003)

You said: “I will go hence to another land,
I will betake me to another sea.
A better place than this may well be found.
All my endeavours are foredoomed to fail,
and as though dead my heart is sepulchred.
How long shall this corrosion sap my brain?
On every side — whichever way I look —
dark ruins of my life confront me here
where I have spent and wrecked so many years.”

You shall not find new places; other seas
you shall not find. The place shall follow you.
And you shall walk the same familiar streets,
and you shall age in the same neighbourhood,
and whiten in these same houses. Ever this place
shall you arrive at. There is neither ship,
nor road, for you, to bring you otherwhere.
As here, in this small nook, you wrecked your life,
even so you spoilt it over all the earth.

四,Translated by Stratis Haviaras
(C.P. Cavafy, The Canon. Translated from the Greek by Stratis Haviaras, Hermes Publishing, 2004)

You said, “I will go to another place, to another shore.
Another city can be found that’s better than this.
All that I struggle for is doomed, condemned to failure;
and my heart is like a corpse interred.
How long will my mind stagger under this misery?
Wherever I turn, wherever I look
I see the blackened ruins of my life,
which for years on end I squandered and wrecked and ravaged”.

You will find no other place, no other shores.
This city will possess you, and you’ll wander the same
streets. In these same neighborhoods you’ll grow old;
in these same houses you’ll turn gray.
Always you’ll return to this city. Don’t even hope for another.
There’s no boat for you, there’s no other way out.
In the way you’ve destroyed your life here,
in this little corner, you’ve destroyed it everywhere else.

其中一与二没写明是否翻译自希腊语。三与四有注明翻译自GREEK。好,那么挨个读,反编译的结果是,西川的版本,如果来自英文,那么是一。1922年的翻译。

西川的翻译如下:
你说:“我要去另一块土地,我将去另一片大海。
另一座城市,比这更好的城市,将被发现。
我的每一项努力都是对命运的谴责;
而我的心被埋葬了,像一具尸体。
在这座荒原上,我的神思还要坚持多久?
无论我的脸朝向哪里,无论我的视线投向何方,
我在此看到的尽是我生命的黑色废墟。
多年以来,我在此毁灭自己,虚掷自己。”
你会发现没有新的土地,你会发现没有别的大海。
这城市将尾随着你,你游荡的街道
将一仍其旧,你老去,周围将是同样的邻居;
这些房屋也将一仍其旧,你将在其中白发丛生。
你将到达的永远是同一座城市,别指望还有他乡。
没有渡载你的船,没有供你行走的道路,
你既已毁掉你的生活,在这小小的角落,
你便已经毁掉了它,在整个世界。

黄灿然是《卡尔菲斯诗选》的作者,他的翻译来自1992年的版本,上述之二,他的译本如下:

你说:“我要去另一个国家,另一片海岸,
找一个比这里好的城市。
无论我做什么,结果总是事与愿违。
而我的心灵被埋没,好象一件死去的东西。
我枯竭的思想还能在这个地方持续多久?
无论我往哪里转,无论我往哪里瞧,
我看到的都是我生命的黑色废墟,在这里,
我虚度了许多年时光,许多年完全被我毁掉了。”

你不会找到一个新的国家,不会找到另一片海岸。
这座城市会永远追踪你。
你会走向同样的街道,衰老
在同样邻近的地方,白发苍苍在这些同样的屋子里。
你会永远结束在这个城市。不要对另外的事物抱什么希望:
那里没有载你的船,那里没有你的路。
既然你已经在这里,在这个小小的角落浪费了你的生命,
你也就已经在这个世界上任何一个地方毁掉了它。

刘淼的版本在这里,看起来也像是来自1992年的版本。
你说,”我要去另一个国度,另一片海洋
去找另一个城市,比现在这个强
在这里我无论怎样努力,命运总是将我击败
它把我的心──像一具死尸那样──埋葬
还要多久,我的灵魂才能摆脱这片荒野
举目四望,所见一切
无非是我生命的黑色废墟
那被我荒度和摧毁了的岁月”

你找不到另一个国度,另一片海洋
这城市将尾随着你。你逛的小巷还是同样的小巷
你住在同样的街区上,生活、衰老
住在同样的房子里,直至白发苍苍
你到达的城市永远是同一个。别指望别样──
没有船只等你起航,没有道路待你远行
在这个角落里你毁坏了你的生命
等于是在整个世界里毁坏了它

不过,以信达雅来说,各有不同。个人喜好,还是西川的版本,隽永,一唱三叹。
刘淼的版本最不喜欢。举个例子,你逛的小巷还是同样的小巷,别指望别样,这都不好。诗歌里面的用字,如果重复,必然要有一些目的,比如呼应,比如强调。小巷如果说勉强,别指望别样,就是蹩脚了。

几个看来看去,头晕眼花。

But! This is it.
蛋是!奏是这样。

This entry was posted on 星期四, 01月 14th, 2010 at 2:02 pm and is filed under 听说读写. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

3 Responses to “卡瓦菲斯:《城市》”

  1. liumiao 说到:

    纳姐说得有道理,不过我觉得我转的版本韵律性更强,是多年前在南方周末上读到的这首诗,当时很喜欢,就抄了下来。

  2. [...] 不懂得怎样的翻译才称得上是“信达雅”,只看到诗歌在译者的手中被重塑,彷徨里有些坚定,阴柔里注入阳刚。诗的美丽,是她飘浮于意念描画的空间里,而译者的生命感悟,他(她)所钟爱的韵律和节奏,让译后的作品,幻化成完全不同的一个个。 [...]

  3. 小雪 说到:

    我更喜欢这个英译,译者不详。
    http://users.hol.gr/~barbanis/cavafy/city.html